EMBRACE YOUR STYLE

For as long as I can remember, I have always admired people who know how to tell a good story.

As a young boy growing up in Uniontown, Pennsylvania, I have happy memories of my parents hooking up our Starcraft pop-up tent camper to our gold Pontiac Le Mans and taking my sister and me on camping adventures both near and far.

Of all the lasting memories I have from those many trips, my fondest and most vivid ones usually involve sitting around the warm glow of a campfire. There we would sit amid the aroma of the smoky pine logs and the erratic pops from the crackling fire while grilling mountain pies filled with cherry pie filling or making my favorite campfire treat—’smores (Mom had a particular knack for getting the marshmallows toasted just right without burning them).

The highlight of this entire scene was always a series of captivating stories. The stories had a distinct cadence, a bit of drama, and a sense of humor as told by one of the best storytellers I have ever known—my Dad.

My Dad is truly a master in the art of storytelling.

He can take the most mundane set of facts and somehow make them fascinating and entertaining.  In fact, he was so engaging on those nights around the campfire, I can even remember campers from nearby sites gathering around to listen to him.

Looking back now, I think my Dad might have preferred that I had pursued a career in science as he had. But I think it is really his fault that I did not.

It was my admiration and awe for my Dad’s gift of storytelling that led me to pursue a Master of Arts in Communication from Ohio University.  And that is what ultimately led me to do the thing that I most love doing today—teaching, coaching, and imparting my love of public speaking to others.

YOU’RE NOT ALONE IN YOUR FEARS

Now before I go any further, I first need to acknowledge that public speaking—even around a humble campfire—is terrifying to most people.  So if the prospect of speaking in front of a group of people scares you, you are not alone.

When Americans are asked what they fear more than anything, public speaking consistently ranks close to the top of the list. We fear public speaking more than flying.  We fear it more than heights.  We even fear it more than dying.

Think about that.  When asked to reveal their #1 fear, Americans said that they fear the prospect of public speaking more than death itself.

I have witnessed this debilitating fear first hand. As an instructor of college level Public Speaking classes, I have seen students who were halfway through a speech who have experienced panic attacks, or who started to hyperventilate, or one who even passed out.

The point is, while those examples of public speaking anxiety may be a little extreme, we all experience some level of stress or adrenaline rush in public speaking situations. I can promise you that with a little coaching & a few pointers, you can overcome—or at the very least reduce—this irrational fear.

WE ALL POSSESS IT SOMEWHERE INSIDE

This brings me back to how the elements of good public speaking and good storytelling are inseparable. Public speaking is not unlike telling a good story. Whether you realize it or not, you probably already have some level of storytelling ability inside you. We all tell stories to some extent. I contend that in order to become a better speaker you just need to become more comfortable with your storytelling abilities and, in the process, gain self-confidence and reduce your fears of speaking to groups.

Try this. Think about a personal story that you have shared with other people more than once.  If you’ve shared your story two or three times, by now you’ve probably honed it and refined it with each retelling.

You have probably figured out by now which story points are the important ones and which just get in the way and slow down your narrative.

You’ve also no doubt figured out the best facial expressions to make, the best hand gestures to use, and the best body language to employ in order to achieve maximum dramatic effect.

And while you may be reluctant to admit it, you may have even cunningly determined which are your funniest lines and figured out how to shamelessly milk those lines for laughter. It’s okay. We all do it.

You see, your public speaking style should be similar to the style you use when you tell the stories you have no doubt been sharing with your friends & family for years.  Each of us tells stories about not only the dramatically significant moments in our lives, but also about the tragically mundane moments in our lives as well (if you don’t believe me, just ask your best friend).

Now, let’s get specific. Think about a particular story that you have probably told multiple times before.

Maybe there’s a story you’ve repeated more than once about that time you got an adorable Labrador puppy for your tenth birthday. But Skooter managed to eat your entire chocolate birthday cake when Mom turned her back for a second. And you ended up spending your entire birthday at the vet with your brother and your new Malibu Barbie doll.

Or maybe one of your favorite stories to tell is the one that you seem to tell every time you’ve had one too many beers? You know, the story you’ve made your friends repeatedly endure about that time in junior high when you sank the winning basket at the buzzer.

Perhaps you have opened up to a precious few people in your life and told them about the painful, yet intimate final moments you shared in the ICU with your mother as you held her hand and watched her peacefully slip away.

What about when you are out with your best friend or with your life partner? Think about how many times you have had to indulge someone who asked, “So, how did you guys first meet?” I’m sure that the two of you can tag team the story or even correct each other’s retelling of this story. How many times has this story been told & retold? Talk about milking a story for the funniest & most dramatic moments! I mean, come on. You know you do it.

The point is, we ALL tell stories like this.  In fact, we tell these stories all the time.  But it is the WAY in manner in which you tell the story that is unique to YOU.  You present these stories to others with a style that reflects your personality and that is uniquely your own.

Forget about trying to impress your audience with corny yuk-yuk jokes, forget about the overly rehearsed hand gestures, forget about trying to remember to lock eyes with a particular person for five seconds.

Forget about all of that.

Those things represent someone else’s style. Start by finding your own style.

Think about how you talk when you are talking to someone you care about. Then talk like that any time you talk to a group of people—regardless of whether it’s seven people around a campfire, or 70 colleagues you work with every day, or 700 people at a fundraising gala.

Discover the style that is truly your own and then sincerely and genuinely employ that style every time you speak.

That is when you will find yourself becoming more natural in your style of delivery.

That is when you will feel more confident in your speaking ability.

And that is when you will truly be on your way to becoming a more polished public speaker.